This is just the worst situation that anyone could be in but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’m glad I met you that Fourth of July weekend and I’m glad you teased me, for real… I loved having your attention. I would always hope that you’d show up again but you never did and I knew why but I couldn’t help but want you there. That night made me realize how interested I was in you but I never understood why, we were in way different parts of our lives to make anything work. That didn’t stop me from wanting to talk to you everyday. And so we did, we talked about everything, even with my place in high school, I felt more of an adult. I felt like I was already your significant other but deep down, I knew it was bad. Evidentially it ended that way. I thought I was in love, I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this man, but as time went on, I was forced to pick a different path. So, now… Here I am, seeing you everyday and talking to you and I couldn’t imagine feeling anymore at home than I do now. I never thought after what happened, that I would see you or talk to you again but all I had to do was find you and message you, I knew you’d respond. You always do.

Getting over it doesn’t mean forgetting it, it just means reducing the pain to a tolerable level, a level that doesn’t destroy you. I know that right now the idea of getting over it is unimaginable. It’s impossible, inconceivable, unthinkable. You don’t want to get over it. Why should you? It’s all you’ve got. You don’t want kind words, you don’t care what other people think or say, you don’t want to know how they felt when they lost someone, They’re not you, are they! They can’t feel what you feel. The only thing you want is the things you can’t have. It’s gone. Never coming back. No one know how that feels. No one know what it’s like to reach out and touch someone who isn’t there and will never be there again. No one knows the unifiable emptiness. No one but you. You and me, love. We don’t want anything. We want to die, but life won’t let us. We’re all it’s got.
Kevin Brooks, Lucas (via hqlines)